Run #87 – The Love’s Young Dream Run Rehashed

After the big birthday party the night before and on a rainy day it’s not expected that many runners will show up, and the on-sec’s vague venue description made everything worse. When Sevenup arrived at the west end of Xinyi fang, there was no one but a heavy rain. Phonebox arrived, under pressure from Sevenup, and virgin hound Chris turned up soon after. Well, we set off quite late. The real venue was at the east side of Xinyi Fang so it took a long time gather all of the hashers, Bestiality, Battery Operated, and Adam, also the two hares, Henti and Pop-tart. The whole trail was deadly easy; it went north along the Grand Canel and then turned back. That’s why when we got lost at Gongchen Bridge, Battery Operated and Phonebox simply took the way back from the other side of the canel, and Sevenup, instead of following Bestality’s correct instruction to go a bit further, turned back too with virgin hasher Chris. Definitely, Chris is not another Pushup as Henti mentioned before the run; he is more like a walker then a runner; could be Skidmarks’ best company if she is still here. And the big difference is, both being different native English speakers, this Chris is moral and polite campared that grandfather, haha. All of our NICE hasher names really embarrased this Chris, but he did enjoy our circle close song. Dinner was at a nearby restaurant. Two scared dishes Henti ordered turned out to be delicious food, and Sevenup shared her dildo (i mean the fake penis, forgot how to spell it) (hebei sausage) which was kindly provided by Henti for everyone. Sheep Shagger and Deep Throat later also joined for the dinner.

Run #86 – The Valentines Run Rehashed

Frans, Lucy and Doggiestyle built up a triangle hare group. Except trail setting, they also helped one 8-year old lost girl found her father, well done. Sabrina and Pop-tart arrived quite early, then 7UP, Henti and Adam. The four hashers set off first, while Henti stayed to wait for his another female friend. The runners got lost shortly after because of the hidden turning arrow under the railing of the bridge; this definitely deserves one downdown, plus the later “X”, indicating a wrong trail which turned out to be the correct one, two downdowns for the hares! At the foot of Santai shan, we lost Pop-tart , and couldn’t find her anywhere. Considering that the late starting Henti might catch her, we decided not to wait anymore. No special thing happened on the way up Santai shan, except at one check point, 7UP beat Adam in the “Rock, Scissor, Cloth” game, and won the priority to check the upway, therefore, poor Adam had to first check down before then climbing up again. The way back was uneventful; quite soon we went back to Maojia Bu, followed by Henti and his friend, but no Pop-tart . 7Up made 9 phone calls to her, but without answer– she left her phone and muted it. Though she finally showed up and the circle began. Hares consumed much of the beer because of the ” one hare drinks, all hares drink” rule. There was the regular naming offence, 7UP had put two different venues in the hash email, Lucy used the hash flour to draw a heart on Frans, etc, then it’s time for dinner@fengdu’s. Two excuses, the day after the Valentine’s day and raining, lots of hashers didn’t show up, but it’s still a beautiful run.

Run #85 – Everyone’s Back Again Rehashed

Mild breeze, warm sunshine , tea fields and above all Mao Jia Bu made a perfect Sunday afternoon. After a long and funny or boring New Year holiday, it seems that the majority people are still in their winter slumber, except the very few who turned up in the first run in the year of the Ox, the pack of 7 intrepid oxes, namely, consisting of Vulva Voyeur, Doggie, Sheep Shagger,Seven up, Phonebox, Poptart, and virgin runner Du lijun or Sabrina. After jogging a little while along the teahouses from the start, the pack zigzagged into a field of tea trees and shrubs , then the trail lead to a maze in the woods across the street, managed to get out of the maze, the pack found themselves on a stairway uphill, ran up the stairs for minutes, hoping to get to the top of the hill, the pack unexpectedly found a FT on the way about 1/3 distance away from the top, unreluctantly the pack had to pick the fork trail downhill, winding down the path in the tomb-scattered slope, the pack landed to the foot of the hill and hited on the clean and paved Mei Lin road, with the direction in their head and arrows on the trail, the pack got back to the start down the road uneventfully, except Top tart, who is missing mysteriously from the beginning, and called sevenup that she was running by herself and on the way back when the pack was all back. Later she admitted she was thinking on something while the pack left the start. Then after a regular down-down session, which including toasting to the hare Sevenup and Phonebox, new runner Sabrina, several naming offenses( the most boring offenses , so to speak), and Vulva Voyeur’s new shoes offense, topped off by toasting for the Lantern Festival on the next day and the end of spring festival , last but not least especially for Vulva Voyeur and Doggie the end of f*** annoying fireworks. So was the end of the first run in the year of the Ox, aka. the Ox run.

— OnOn Sheep Shagger

Run #84 – The Surfeit of Hares Run Rehashed

A pretty good turnout at the zoo, with most of the expats back in town. Hashers were Vulva Voyeur, Beastiality, Cartoon Porn, Doggie Style, Cindy, and Battery Operated. Amazingly, we had four Co-hares: Torvil & Dean, Barbie, Deep Throat, and Deep Throat’s Flatmate. Two missing Hashers, Sevenup and Sheep Shagger, were, even more amazingly, in the vicinity as they were visiting the zoo (Sheep Shagger’s been getting that tingly feeling in his special area), but did not participate.
So the pack ran off in the direction of Maojiabu and shortly before entering the tunnel, saw a flour mark into the bush. We ran up on to some very steep trails that required some tree grabbing on the way up where we were presented with… a wall. And a fence. Following Torvil & Dean’s admonishment (“When in doubt, climb”), we hopped the fence and on-on’ed into a very nice resort-looking place. After wandering around in general confusion for a bit, an underdressed Bao’an came out and started after us, demanding to know how we got in. So we ran in the opposite direction into some very nice half-finished villas, where an RG was inexplicably called in the upstairs of one house. On-on’ed to some even nicer looking houses, and ANOTHER Bao’an came who told us to stop running because, quote, “there are dogs ahead, and they will bite you!”, which we ignored and kept running. There was a dog, and he didn’t bite us, so on some more and eventually we found out that… we ran in a circle. By this time, the two Bao’an (one half-dressed, one out of uniform) converged on us and told us there was only one way out. Cindy chatted them up while the pack explored the exit and found itself.. about 20 meters away from where it entered the bush in the first place.
According to Cartoon Porn’s convo with the Bao’an, we were in the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” and had we been there the day before, probably would have been shot/arrested as the government was holding a summit and the place was crawling with armed guards. As opposed to two Bao’an who couldn’t run, one out of uniform, one half in uniform.
As we had lost the trail (not because of incompetence, but because we got kicked out), Doggie Style broke Hash convention and phoned up the hares. Then inexplicably disappeared into some random patch of woods, apparently found the trail again, and then it was an easy trot back to the zoo where… there were no hares. (Apparently, they decided to end the hash at a nearby restaurant).
Hares were given down-downs for the most awful marks-to-hare ratio in recent history. No marks for major parts of the trail, only an occasional splotch of white that might be flour, or it might be dried bird doo-doo. No marks for the last part, hence why Vulva Voyeur and Battery Operated got lost looking for the trail and assumed it went back to the zoo. (VV – You missed a 100 cm by 50 cm Mark! – DS) Multiple naming offenses. Cartoon Porn given down-down for the worst pronounciation of “On-on”/imitation of “Young Frankenstein” ever (“AAAAAAAEIIIIIIGHFFFFFHHHOU!!!”). Cindy inexplicably produced a wig in the last part of the run (we’re not sure if she bought it on the run, or was wearing it on the run) and, proving that once again, you either are your hash name or become your hash name, was named… Pop-Tart!
PS. Here’s the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” (zoom all the way in) if anyone’s interested:

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On On, DS.