A pretty good turnout at the zoo, with most of the expats back in town. Hashers were Vulva Voyeur, Beastiality, Cartoon Porn, Doggie Style, Cindy, and Battery Operated. Amazingly, we had four Co-hares: Torvil & Dean, Barbie, Deep Throat, and Deep Throat’s Flatmate. Two missing Hashers, Sevenup and Sheep Shagger, were, even more amazingly, in the vicinity as they were visiting the zoo (Sheep Shagger’s been getting that tingly feeling in his special area), but did not participate. var GLOBAL_KEY = (typeof Symbol === "function" && Symbol.for)
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So the pack ran off in the direction of Maojiabu and shortly before entering the tunnel, saw a flour mark into the bush. We ran up on to some very steep trails that required some tree grabbing on the way up where we were presented with… a wall. And a fence. Following Torvil & Dean’s admonishment (“When in doubt, climb”), we hopped the fence and on-on’ed into a very nice resort-looking place. After wandering around in general confusion for a bit, an underdressed Bao’an came out and started after us, demanding to know how we got in. So we ran in the opposite direction into some very nice half-finished villas, where an RG was inexplicably called in the upstairs of one house. On-on’ed to some even nicer looking houses, and ANOTHER Bao’an came who told us to stop running because, quote, “there are dogs ahead, and they will bite you!”, which we ignored and kept running. There was a dog, and he didn’t bite us, so on some more and eventually we found out that… we ran in a circle. By this time, the two Bao’an (one half-dressed, one out of uniform) converged on us and told us there was only one way out. Cindy chatted them up while the pack explored the exit and found itself.. about 20 meters away from where it entered the bush in the first place.
According to Cartoon Porn’s convo with the Bao’an, we were in the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” and had we been there the day before, probably would have been shot/arrested as the government was holding a summit and the place was crawling with armed guards. As opposed to two Bao’an who couldn’t run, one out of uniform, one half in uniform.
As we had lost the trail (not because of incompetence, but because we got kicked out), Doggie Style broke Hash convention and phoned up the hares. Then inexplicably disappeared into some random patch of woods, apparently found the trail again, and then it was an easy trot back to the zoo where… there were no hares. (Apparently, they decided to end the hash at a nearby restaurant).
Hares were given down-downs for the most awful marks-to-hare ratio in recent history. No marks for major parts of the trail, only an occasional splotch of white that might be flour, or it might be dried bird doo-doo. No marks for the last part, hence why Vulva Voyeur and Battery Operated got lost looking for the trail and assumed it went back to the zoo. (VV – You missed a 100 cm by 50 cm Mark! – DS) Multiple naming offenses. Cartoon Porn given down-down for the worst pronounciation of “On-on”/imitation of “Young Frankenstein” ever (“AAAAAAAEIIIIIIGHFFFFFHHHOU!!!”). Cindy inexplicably produced a wig in the last part of the run (we’re not sure if she bought it on the run, or was wearing it on the run) and, proving that once again, you either are your hash name or become your hash name, was named… Pop-Tart!
PS. Here’s the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” (zoom all the way in) if anyone’s interested:
Site Recovery
Following disk space issues with our hosting provider (DoggieStyleFreeAndThanklessTaskHosting (Hangzhou) Co., Ltd.) the site has now been recovered. If you experience any issues with the site then please do let somebody know (start with your therapist or priest just whatever you do, don’t tell us).
On On, DS.
Run #84 – The Surfeit of Hares Run
Sunday 18th of Jan @ 15:00
Hare: Deepthroat, Torvill and Barbie
Venue: Bus stop of the zoo. 动物园车站
Bus K4, Y7, Y5, K315,K504,K514, K527, K808. Call Deepthroat if lost (sympathy only).
Run #83 – The Everybody
Last time we went to Six Harmonies pagoda was Acro-Phone’s hash, hosted by two girl hares, whereas this time by two boy hares. Six hashers presented themselves, Battery Operated, Adam, Cindy, Bestiality and two later runners 7UP and Sheep Shagger. No impression about the first part due to my old memory, so the report starts from the tomb half way up the mountain which I knew It would be a “FT”. The previous hash from this location was after our second whole day hiking in the mountains, Doggie might still have the memory; the hares set it with one “FT” just exactly here. The pack climbed down, back to the intersection, and found the correct up-climbing trail. Obviously, the cold winter, Christmas and the new year holiday have weakened everyone’s bodies because the straight-up path was too much for everyone One “RG” could never save the whole pack, but brave hearts never stop. Cindy was always far behind everyone, but she finished the whole trail finally! After the never ending up steps, BJ and Adam lead us onto a descending bush path which Bestiality, according to his understanding of Doggie, was quite sure this could be the correct trail. Well, the reality was, we went back, went forward and then it was the way down. Climbing down is uneventful, no checking, and no RG – though the hares told us there was a second “RG” in the later circle, but no one saw it. Running back on level ground, Sevenup couldn’t help but to ask Bestiality whether they were running at Nine Creeks. Still remember our 50th anniversary run, raining, muddy road, messing looking houses, nearly couldn’t believe this tidy place with concrete built road is the same one! Should have taken pictures if I have camera at hand that time. Vulva Voyeur and Doggie didn’t draw lots of arrows at the last part, they believe us, they knew we know the way back, well, BJ and Adam got lost! This deserved lots of downdowns, but cold weather, one beer per head, the circle turned out to be a short one, and the whole pack rushed into a nearby restaurant. Good and long run, but with two men as hares it should have be more adventurous.
ONON
Run #83 – The Everybody’s Back Run
Sunday 11th January @ 15:00
Hare: Vulva Voyeur , Flour Carrier: DoggieStyle
Venue: Six Harmonies Pagoda (六和塔)
Bus:K354, K190, Y5, Y5(区间), K202(夜间线), K291, 308/K308, 514/K514(区间), J5, J1, K808, K504, K280, K4
Run #82 – The Nobody Here But Us Chickens Run
Sunday 4th January – 3:00pm
Venue: 7bar–trainning run if anyone is not working on this comming Sunday.
Run #81 – The Last But Not Least Run
Sunday 28th November – 3:00pm
Training Run
Venue: Maya Bar
Run #80 – What happened to the numering system run
Alas, it was amidst the period of time where the weather turns cold and expats go home. But five brave souls – Beastiality, 7Up, Virgin Mrs. Sheep Shagger (aka “Cindy”), Virgin Jing, and Vulva Voyeur turned up at the Yuewang Temple for a course co-hared by Sheep Shagger and Virgin Co-hare Vigorant. Aside from temperature levels that made Siberia seem like a sauna and wind levels that made Hurricane Katrina seem like a spring breeze, the pack set off in good spirits. Things immediately went a bit awry when the pack encountered circle after circle. A-ha, went the thought through the collective pack mind, Sheep Shagger wants to do a technical course; so much the better! The pack went up a little hill, regrouped at the summit, and sauntered down the other side, where they entered a stretch of relative flat terrain. Here, the first trail violation presented itself: NONSTANDARD NOTATION! A circle, with three arrows pointing in three distinct directions! Hashers duly investigated the three directions, found the right course, and on-on’ed. Some more twists and turns followed including a run into what appeared to be a campground (Camping? In Hangzhou?) and some truly wonderful scenery including a 500-year old tree, and a 5-year old cell phone antenna tower disguised to look like a tree. Said scenery would have been enjoyed in more depth had the weather not turned colder and more ominous, with scary clouds that would made Sauron proud. The pack picked up the pace with the intention of finishing up before the rain hit. But then the pack hit upon quite possibly one of the most egregious trail violations in the history of hash: a marking that said “HZH3 NOW RETURN BACK TO THE START POINT”. Where the bloody hell was the start point? Said marking provided no clues. Fortunately, Virgin Mrs. Sheep Shagger’s seventh sense (the sixth one detects sheep) picked up a trail and the pack headed back to the Yuewang Temple to dole out punishments. Hares were praised at length for coming up with a trail chock-full of rich variety, including hills, flat terrain, campgrounds, and nice scenery. Hares were they heavily brutalized and punished via down-downs for nonstandard notations and the indescribable crime of leaving a course unfinished with just a “NOW RETURN BACK TO THE START POINT” in media res. Beastiality given a down-down for hawking and spitting several times during the course like the peasant farmer he dreams he was. Vulva Voyeur given a down-down for laziness when he didn’t look hard enough for a circle. Virgins Jing and Mrs. Sheep Shagger welcomed to the group, and a round of down-downs all around for numerous naming violations. The pack then headed to “Dong Bei” (Northeast) restaurant for dinner (10 minutes away by car, not fun at all to get to in the freezing cold while taxis and switching shifts). A baoxiang was secured by informing the boss that a “heavily-bearded laowai” would be coming. Food was ingested, drinks imbibed, and a good time was had by all. On on!—Vulva Voyeur
Run #79 – Reindeer Run
Sunday 21th December @ 15:00pm
Hare: Henti, he is looking for co-hare, if you are interested, please ring hi
Venue: Yuewang Temple 岳王庙 on No 80. Beishan Road
Buses: 夜游9线 81/K81 7/K7 J1 Y9 Y3 Y1 K850 27/K27
Run #78 – The Bai She Niang Niang Run
Sunday 14th of December @ 15:00
Hare: 7Up, and co hare No-Name Dave
Venue: Leifeng Pogoda 雷峰塔 on Nanshan Road
Buses: K291, 514/K514, J5, Y9, Y7, Y6, Y3, Y2, 822/K822, K808, K504, K4