It was 5 pm, dusk fell , same place, the bridge next to nine creek’s bus terminal, remember the 50’s run? Same people , only fewer. After waiting for other runners and milling around for a long time, Mudluck, her friend He Lin and top tart, decided to run . The trail started unexpectedly by the riverside across the Zhijiang Road, running down the bank of the Qian Tang river for a while , the pack made a turn to the other side of the road , which is a big square , on the corner of the square there is a crossroad , where an RG was called. From there 2 newly paved roads stretching out in different direction, with the arrow on one path , the pack took that one , just after a small distances, they found a FT. The pack ran back to the RG, then checked the other road, which turned out to be the right one, winding down the road , the pack found them in a villa area, aka. the Rose Garden, although the runners didn’t find any rose there, known as the famous upscale villa block of Hangzhou, with designer-made Mediterranean-style houses scattered around the slope, in between grows clean cut shrubs and lawns , the road is clean and devoid of pedestrians and vehicles, what a life! The pack slowed down a bit, then running down a gentle slope, reached to the end of the road , and got back to the Zhijang Rd again, running a few steps they turned into an alley, which took them into a bamboo wood, in which dotted small village houses and patches of vegetable fields , chickens and dogs were playing around, genuine rustic life . Getting through the fields, the packed turned back to a path heading for the end. After the first pack left for 15 minutes, the Sabrina and her friend arrived, as they decided to get off the bus at the zoo and ran all the way to here, due to the horrible Sunday afternoon traffic in Nanshan Rd. So the second pack set off , got lost several times, and finally made it except the last part in the bamboo fields, as when they got to the main road and saw the end of the run ahead, they were too excited and relieved to follow the right way back, a sympathetic offense. Sevenup, our new GM, after enjoying or suffering the mass rush hour traffic in Nanshan RD for almost 2 hours, showed up right before the circle time, who down-downed hare Sheep Shagger for picking this great site that attracted so many traffics, good job, Mr Sheep, no ?! OK, good job, Mr Major! Thanks to their good work, everyone was down-downed for being late except mudluck and her friend who arrived punctually . At last the third pack arrived , two another friends of Sabrina who were more happy to join the dinner than the run. One another thing to note, top tart brought a rabbit with her, and was walking and grazing her rabbit in between the start and end of the run.

The pack assembled outside Maya, some with significant feelings of
deja vu from the the previous week. Your scribe, Bestiality, had run
his way there from Hangda lu, desperate to make sure he was not late
for the start. Apparently, I shouldn’t have bothered, as only new
runner Chris awaited me there with the hares, and a small chinese
child who was immensely enjoying looking up peoples trouser legs. Once
I could no longer stand to have my privates inspected, and 15 minutes
had passed, we set off, collecting Sabrina along the way, who must
have been hiding in the shadows.

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. In
hashing, a journey of a thousand check backs can often start with a
single arrow. I had a feeling we might be in for a rough time as the
first arrow pointed directly between two possible routes at a tree,
giving about as clear an indication as the mona lisa’s smile. The
trail was located however, and quickly took us into the bush behind
Maya where an inevitable hill climb followed. Markings were few and
far between, and with a pack of three, it was often the case that all
possible avenues were checked, then rechecked before the next patch of
flour was found. Indeed, so sparse was the flour that I was recalled
to the trail by shouts of on-on to see a clearly marked trail leading
up and back towards where we had come from. Enthusiasm and a clear
trail proved too much for our less inexperienced hashers, and it was
not long before Sabrina was calling back “what does CB mean?” ON-ON we
went, again finding that the only way to locate the flour was to crawl
with magnifying glasses and hope for the best. Sabrina, by far the
most energetic of the hashers disappeared up the trail as I checked
back to the last mark (yet again) and managed to find an arrow at
about the same time I found two specks of flour leading towards a
dirty brick wall. ON-ON it was and the wall was forgotten in favour of
the clean chalk on pavement which quickly lead us back to Shuguan Lu
and home. Let this be a lesson to hares: if your trail is so hard to
find that people can get 200M off the trail and miss your cleverly
laid traps entirely, then you are not laying enough flour. (I think I
have beat that dead horse enough now…)

We encountered Seven-Up at the finish, who was 20 mins late to the
start of the run, and basically hadn’t bothered to try and catch the
pack. This was marginally better than Vulva who was not just late to
the run, but to the circle itself. Sabrina skipped the drinking, but
the rest of us quickly made up for that. An honourable mention to
Chris here for commitment to his fellow runners; instigating a
personal one runner drinks, all runners drink policy that ensured he
got his fair share of the beer. Seven-Up managed to break basically
every circle rule imaginable in her first week as GM; using her phone,
leaving the circle and at one point giving beer to a 3-yr old child.
By far and away her worst crime was not telling all of us to get
stuffed for even mentioning it, as a GM should rule with an iron fist,
usually clamped around a cup of beer! ON-ON!

After the big birthday party the night before and on a rainy day it’s not expected that many runners will show up, and the on-sec’s vague venue description made everything worse. When Sevenup arrived at the west end of Xinyi fang, there was no one but a heavy rain. Phonebox arrived, under pressure from Sevenup, and virgin hound Chris turned up soon after. Well, we set off quite late. The real venue was at the east side of Xinyi Fang so it took a long time gather all of the hashers, Bestiality, Battery Operated, and Adam, also the two hares, Henti and Pop-tart. The whole trail was deadly easy; it went north along the Grand Canel and then turned back. That’s why when we got lost at Gongchen Bridge, Battery Operated and Phonebox simply took the way back from the other side of the canel, and Sevenup, instead of following Bestality’s correct instruction to go a bit further, turned back too with virgin hasher Chris. Definitely, Chris is not another Pushup as Henti mentioned before the run; he is more like a walker then a runner; could be Skidmarks’ best company if she is still here. And the big difference is, both being different native English speakers, this Chris is moral and polite campared that grandfather, haha. All of our NICE hasher names really embarrased this Chris, but he did enjoy our circle close song. Dinner was at a nearby restaurant. Two scared dishes Henti ordered turned out to be delicious food, and Sevenup shared her dildo (i mean the fake penis, forgot how to spell it) (hebei sausage) which was kindly provided by Henti for everyone. Sheep Shagger and Deep Throat later also joined for the dinner.

Frans, Lucy and Doggiestyle built up a triangle hare group. Except trail setting, they also helped one 8-year old lost girl found her father, well done. Sabrina and Pop-tart arrived quite early, then 7UP, Henti and Adam. The four hashers set off first, while Henti stayed to wait for his another female friend. The runners got lost shortly after because of the hidden turning arrow under the railing of the bridge; this definitely deserves one downdown, plus the later “X”, indicating a wrong trail which turned out to be the correct one, two downdowns for the hares! At the foot of Santai shan, we lost Pop-tart , and couldn’t find her anywhere. Considering that the late starting Henti might catch her, we decided not to wait anymore. No special thing happened on the way up Santai shan, except at one check point, 7UP beat Adam in the “Rock, Scissor, Cloth” game, and won the priority to check the upway, therefore, poor Adam had to first check down before then climbing up again. The way back was uneventful; quite soon we went back to Maojia Bu, followed by Henti and his friend, but no Pop-tart . 7Up made 9 phone calls to her, but without answer– she left her phone and muted it. Though she finally showed up and the circle began. Hares consumed much of the beer because of the ” one hare drinks, all hares drink” rule. There was the regular naming offence, 7UP had put two different venues in the hash email, Lucy used the hash flour to draw a heart on Frans, etc, then it’s time for dinner@fengdu’s. Two excuses, the day after the Valentine’s day and raining, lots of hashers didn’t show up, but it’s still a beautiful run.

Mild breeze, warm sunshine , tea fields and above all Mao Jia Bu made a perfect Sunday afternoon. After a long and funny or boring New Year holiday, it seems that the majority people are still in their winter slumber, except the very few who turned up in the first run in the year of the Ox, the pack of 7 intrepid oxes, namely, consisting of Vulva Voyeur, Doggie, Sheep Shagger,Seven up, Phonebox, Poptart, and virgin runner Du lijun or Sabrina. After jogging a little while along the teahouses from the start, the pack zigzagged into a field of tea trees and shrubs , then the trail lead to a maze in the woods across the street, managed to get out of the maze, the pack found themselves on a stairway uphill, ran up the stairs for minutes, hoping to get to the top of the hill, the pack unexpectedly found a FT on the way about 1/3 distance away from the top, unreluctantly the pack had to pick the fork trail downhill, winding down the path in the tomb-scattered slope, the pack landed to the foot of the hill and hited on the clean and paved Mei Lin road, with the direction in their head and arrows on the trail, the pack got back to the start down the road uneventfully, except Top tart, who is missing mysteriously from the beginning, and called sevenup that she was running by herself and on the way back when the pack was all back. Later she admitted she was thinking on something while the pack left the start. Then after a regular down-down session, which including toasting to the hare Sevenup and Phonebox, new runner Sabrina, several naming offenses( the most boring offenses , so to speak), and Vulva Voyeur’s new shoes offense, topped off by toasting for the Lantern Festival on the next day and the end of spring festival , last but not least especially for Vulva Voyeur and Doggie the end of f*** annoying fireworks. So was the end of the first run in the year of the Ox, aka. the Ox run.

— OnOn Sheep Shagger

A pretty good turnout at the zoo, with most of the expats back in town. Hashers were Vulva Voyeur, Beastiality, Cartoon Porn, Doggie Style, Cindy, and Battery Operated. Amazingly, we had four Co-hares: Torvil & Dean, Barbie, Deep Throat, and Deep Throat’s Flatmate. Two missing Hashers, Sevenup and Sheep Shagger, were, even more amazingly, in the vicinity as they were visiting the zoo (Sheep Shagger’s been getting that tingly feeling in his special area), but did not participate.
So the pack ran off in the direction of Maojiabu and shortly before entering the tunnel, saw a flour mark into the bush. We ran up on to some very steep trails that required some tree grabbing on the way up where we were presented with… a wall. And a fence. Following Torvil & Dean’s admonishment (“When in doubt, climb”), we hopped the fence and on-on’ed into a very nice resort-looking place. After wandering around in general confusion for a bit, an underdressed Bao’an came out and started after us, demanding to know how we got in. So we ran in the opposite direction into some very nice half-finished villas, where an RG was inexplicably called in the upstairs of one house. On-on’ed to some even nicer looking houses, and ANOTHER Bao’an came who told us to stop running because, quote, “there are dogs ahead, and they will bite you!”, which we ignored and kept running. There was a dog, and he didn’t bite us, so on some more and eventually we found out that… we ran in a circle. By this time, the two Bao’an (one half-dressed, one out of uniform) converged on us and told us there was only one way out. Cindy chatted them up while the pack explored the exit and found itself.. about 20 meters away from where it entered the bush in the first place.
According to Cartoon Porn’s convo with the Bao’an, we were in the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” and had we been there the day before, probably would have been shot/arrested as the government was holding a summit and the place was crawling with armed guards. As opposed to two Bao’an who couldn’t run, one out of uniform, one half in uniform.
As we had lost the trail (not because of incompetence, but because we got kicked out), Doggie Style broke Hash convention and phoned up the hares. Then inexplicably disappeared into some random patch of woods, apparently found the trail again, and then it was an easy trot back to the zoo where… there were no hares. (Apparently, they decided to end the hash at a nearby restaurant).
Hares were given down-downs for the most awful marks-to-hare ratio in recent history. No marks for major parts of the trail, only an occasional splotch of white that might be flour, or it might be dried bird doo-doo. No marks for the last part, hence why Vulva Voyeur and Battery Operated got lost looking for the trail and assumed it went back to the zoo. (VV – You missed a 100 cm by 50 cm Mark! – DS) Multiple naming offenses. Cartoon Porn given down-down for the worst pronounciation of “On-on”/imitation of “Young Frankenstein” ever (“AAAAAAAEIIIIIIGHFFFFFHHHOU!!!”). Cindy inexplicably produced a wig in the last part of the run (we’re not sure if she bought it on the run, or was wearing it on the run) and, proving that once again, you either are your hash name or become your hash name, was named… Pop-Tart!
PS. Here’s the “Forbidden Area of the Provincial Government” (zoom all the way in) if anyone’s interested:

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Last time we went to Six Harmonies pagoda was Acro-Phone’s hash, hosted by two girl hares, whereas this time by two boy hares. Six hashers presented themselves, Battery Operated, Adam, Cindy, Bestiality and two later runners 7UP and Sheep Shagger. No impression about the first part due to my old memory, so the report starts from the tomb half way up the mountain which I knew It would be a “FT”. The previous hash from this location was after our second whole day hiking in the mountains, Doggie might still have the memory; the hares set it with one “FT” just exactly here. The pack climbed down, back to the intersection, and found the correct up-climbing trail. Obviously, the cold winter, Christmas and the new year holiday have weakened everyone’s bodies because the straight-up path was too much for everyone One “RG” could never save the whole pack, but brave hearts never stop. Cindy was always far behind everyone, but she finished the whole trail finally! After the never ending up steps, BJ and Adam lead us onto a descending bush path which Bestiality, according to his understanding of Doggie, was quite sure this could be the correct trail. Well, the reality was, we went back, went forward and then it was the way down. Climbing down is uneventful, no checking, and no RG – though the hares told us there was a second “RG” in the later circle, but no one saw it. Running back on level ground, Sevenup couldn’t help but to ask Bestiality whether they were running at Nine Creeks. Still remember our 50th anniversary run, raining, muddy road, messing looking houses, nearly couldn’t believe this tidy place with concrete built road is the same one! Should have taken pictures if I have camera at hand that time. Vulva Voyeur and Doggie didn’t draw lots of arrows at the last part, they believe us, they knew we know the way back, well, BJ and Adam got lost! This deserved lots of downdowns, but cold weather, one beer per head, the circle turned out to be a short one, and the whole pack rushed into a nearby restaurant. Good and long run, but with two men as hares it should have be more adventurous.

ONON

Alas, it was amidst the period of time where the weather turns cold and expats go home. But five brave souls – Beastiality, 7Up, Virgin Mrs. Sheep Shagger (aka “Cindy”), Virgin Jing, and Vulva Voyeur turned up at the Yuewang Temple for a course co-hared by Sheep Shagger and Virgin Co-hare Vigorant. Aside from temperature levels that made Siberia seem like a sauna and wind levels that made Hurricane Katrina seem like a spring breeze, the pack set off in good spirits. Things immediately went a bit awry when the pack encountered circle after circle. A-ha, went the thought through the collective pack mind, Sheep Shagger wants to do a technical course; so much the better! The pack went up a little hill, regrouped at the summit, and sauntered down the other side, where they entered a stretch of relative flat terrain. Here, the first trail violation presented itself: NONSTANDARD NOTATION! A circle, with three arrows pointing in three distinct directions! Hashers duly investigated the three directions, found the right course, and on-on’ed. Some more twists and turns followed including a run into what appeared to be a campground (Camping? In Hangzhou?) and some truly wonderful scenery including a 500-year old tree, and a 5-year old cell phone antenna tower disguised to look like a tree. Said scenery would have been enjoyed in more depth had the weather not turned colder and more ominous, with scary clouds that would made Sauron proud. The pack picked up the pace with the intention of finishing up before the rain hit. But then the pack hit upon quite possibly one of the most egregious trail violations in the history of hash: a marking that said “HZH3 NOW RETURN BACK TO THE START POINT”. Where the bloody hell was the start point? Said marking provided no clues. Fortunately, Virgin Mrs. Sheep Shagger’s seventh sense (the sixth one detects sheep) picked up a trail and the pack headed back to the Yuewang Temple to dole out punishments. Hares were praised at length for coming up with a trail chock-full of rich variety, including hills, flat terrain, campgrounds, and nice scenery. Hares were they heavily brutalized and punished via down-downs for nonstandard notations and the indescribable crime of leaving a course unfinished with just a “NOW RETURN BACK TO THE START POINT” in media res. Beastiality given a down-down for hawking and spitting several times during the course like the peasant farmer he dreams he was. Vulva Voyeur given a down-down for laziness when he didn’t look hard enough for a circle. Virgins Jing and Mrs. Sheep Shagger welcomed to the group, and a round of down-downs all around for numerous naming violations. The pack then headed to “Dong Bei” (Northeast) restaurant for dinner (10 minutes away by car, not fun at all to get to in the freezing cold while taxis and switching shifts). A baoxiang was secured by informing the boss that a “heavily-bearded laowai” would be coming. Food was ingested, drinks imbibed, and a good time was had by all. On on!—Vulva Voyeur

What?! The same trail??? After having twisted Baoshi Shan for weeks, I came here to run a trial same as the one Acro and I set?? A wonderful hash place, with hills all around?……Okay! Hares, be ready for down down, no better award than that!

So the pack of Doggie Style, S&M,Sheep Shagger, Vigorant, Vigorant’s friend(virgn runner!) and me Phone Box started with the uphill main road eastward. Well, although I set it once,but had no idea it was such a energy consuming uphill running trial in the beginning. My legs seemed full of lead. Just 500 meters away I got out of breath. And then the first check point came at right time.

Knowing exactly where we should go, we just headed to the right trial without any doubt. As expected, we came to the foot of the hill of XX(no idea of the names of hills over there) and began to “pick up” the steps. My hands were almost touching the ground when I climbed up. S&M  got a “down down” afterwards for the attempt of short cut.

Up, up, up…comparable number of steps of the one in Laohe Shan, finally we reached a supposed RG, a perfect overlook of those hills in the north. Others had no idea which is which., except Doggie, who just hiked before hash to find a hill on the map.

After the short break, we followed marks to the ridge. Some pink arrows mentioned by Volver Voyer in advance popped up. They were not left by our hares but marked with “BULLSHIT” in white by Voyer. Dirty words on our trial for the first time!–Down! Down!

On the ridge, came a “HZH3”. And just down in the tea bush, there was a dot of flour. Should we follow the flour to go back? No, not finished yet. Shagger had run ahead , found another arrow. Yes, to make the trial excatly the same, we should go up to the pavillion and then back here to descend. After a short break in the pavillion, “HZH3” brought us an excellent trial among tea bushes. Steep, slippy but fun.

All the left was just it should be. In one hour, we were back to the starte point. For sure ,down-down to the hares, to the virgin, to the BULLSHIT marked by Voyer,ect. Although it was only 5pm, hardly a reason for us to leave without having dinner there.

Not bad back there again and run the same trial( just for once)!
onon  —phonebox

It seems that 7 Club is not just our default Friday night bar, but also our default hash venue. 7Up, Bestiality, Creature Comforts, Sheep Shagger, Jason, Battery Operated, Mosquito and the other Chinese guy gathered at 7club the third time within three months.  Before we started complaining about the predictable route the hare Doggie informed us that it would be an unexpected trail.

Unlike the common sense of straight up through Yellow Dragon cave and or up through Baishaquan Rd, the trail went to a neighbourhood nearby Shuguang Rd. Shortly, the whole pack reached the intersection of Baochu Rd and Xixi Rd, where we got lost and spent 5 minutes searching. Back to Xixi Rd, moving forward but the pack was lost again at a folk road 2 minutes later, desperate BO finally called Doggie after 20 minutes’ searching.

Further on though, the trail turned into Tiyuchang Rd., then Baochu Rd, one unknown lane and finally went up to the unavoidable Baochu hill, and the well-known big rocks.

Doggie got lots of downdowns with the sour tasting Snow beer, and all Chinese runners were accused of being too quiet.

Family Liu became the dinner venue beating Skidmarks’ restaurant and Maya afterwards. Torvill, Barbie, Dave, and Laura joined later. Then any after dinner drinking? Of course, Doggie’s back! Beer at Maya. It was a good trail, this hash, city roads combined with mountain path, uproar and quiet.

—  OnOn 7Up