A pair of virgin hares is always something to fear, especially when one of them is also a virgin hasher. As previously reported Titman was laid low with another foot injury, a re-occurrence of foot-in-mouth disease reported by someone in the know, so Aruna was pressed into the role of carrying the flour. The venue and surrounds has been given a thrashing over the last year, usually from other nearby starts but all passing this well known statue of Mao.

The turnout was excellent though despite the hot afternoon and the pack finally got away to a late start courtesy of 7Ups fruit responsibilities. The trail went south and exited the campus though the adjoining village, turned right up Yugu Lu and entered the Bamboo Forest, amazingly enough, virgin territory. Kama Sutras arrows were things of art, huge, directionally sound and placed in a non-erratic manner. The pack was spread out a bit here, but a RG was found at the little fitness area on the top of the hill and waited until Skidmarks arrived, before immediately heading off leaving the unfortunate Debbie in the loo with Cartoon Porn swiftly volunteering to rescue her.

So it was to Yugo Lu and up to the entrance to the gardens which we all now know to be open without charge after 4.30, thanks Kama Sutra. Ah, but soon the trail disappeared behind a locked door surrounded by hasher unfriendly walls. Cartoon Porn back to the fore, as he led the pack around to a side door which led through the ornamental ponds and back into the bush on stone paths. Every visit to the area unearths some new thing, and for scribe it was the mini chalets in the forest holiday camp with the adjoining photo-ops for newly weds, not normally the lesbian pairings provided by the hash on this day. So it was on on to a road that led toward the mountains, but turned away at the last moment back into the gardens, much to relief of back markers Skidmarks, Cunning Linguist Debbie and Sandra. Just before the trail hit Yugu Lu again, the pack found the instruction, On Home, or words to that effect. First home were Sheepshagger and Cartoon Porn, both suspected of SCBing the last bit.

Doggie Style was back to his old self as GM of the circle, and the accusations flew thick and fast. Sandra gave the circle a deep and meaningful song about her wish to be christened before she headed off to Beijing as a volunteer, and so with the naming committee’s creative juices at a low ebb, Sandra was named Mudlark, mostly because of those purple and gold shoes in the mud; who could forget them? Debbie was named Pawn Star because of the conjunction of the old classic film Debbie Does Dallas and a chess playing assumption. 7Up was absolutely sure that her new shoes would go unnoticed, but didn’t count on the eagle eye of Phone Box. Aruna learned the rule “one hare drinks, both hares drink” as a double virgin, but can also be happy with universal agreement that the run was interesting, findable and the right length. The pack sauntered off down to a youth hostel restaurant in the village for an excellent 20 kuai meal; have to go back there, and some then headed off to Maya.

Now who was the hasher who was deputed to write this week’s report?

Having publicly mocked Push Up for his previous run report, I inadvertently volunteered to write the next one, so here goes. Run #56: The Royal Farm Run, notable for its lack of farming or royalty. Sheep-shagger and Deep Throat were our hares and failed to clearly provide an address nor a landmark that my taxi driver could recognise. Some people might wish to remark that I was late, but I prefer to think of myself as starting early, especially as I was yelling On-On at the taxi driver! (not that it helped…)

Despite some trouble finding the start, once the hounds were assembled, we set off at a decent pace considering the heat and mosquitos that we were desperately hoping to avoid. Special mention goes to Cunning Linguist for unusual running attire, and also Slow Phuk for realising 600 metres into the run that it might have been a good idea to bring some water like everyone else. The pack quickly found ourselves climbing stairs to our first RG where Sheep-Shagger would have had us kneeling before a statue that bore a striking resemblance to himself.
Fortunately, “Kneel Here” is not an officially recognised hash command (outside of naming circles) so we were all quickly On-On’ing our was towards the summit. This was also the point where the pack encountered Tit Man who had decided to walk the route due to a previous injury, proving to all that doctors know less than they claim, and excuses are for the weak(looking in your direction here Doggie Style…) While we did not reach the summit, we did find ourselves close enough and presented with a magnificent vista. So good in fact that Hentai decided to return to the stragglers and borrow a camera as they had clearly stopped making any attempt to climb further.

The trail then wound itself casually down the mountain, before a sharp turn (which Phone Box and I missed, much to our chagrin several hundred metres later) into an area that could charitably described as a mosquito convention. So bad was the constant buzzing that a RG was completely skipped so that we could continue to run and present less of a target.

The final stretch was relatively flat and uneventful, and a circle was formed to celebrate and to give the old ladies a chance to stare at a hairly laowai with his shirt off. A box of Tsingtao Light was quickly consumed (which given that is seems to be the same strength as the normal Tsingtao should perhaps just be called “Tsingtao Honest!”) and the crew were off to Heifeng Street for dinner and the usual shenanigans.

Seven at seven, the usual refrain attracted the usual starters plus some new blood. Agreeable host Tony at the Seven Club must be reconsidering his marketing plan after the crowd grew to it’s zenith but then dissipated at 8.30 when the prices went back to 100%, which is quite usual, but this time the crowd didn’t return after Family Liu because they had strolled up to Maya for RMB10 Tsingtaos. Well, most of the crowd anyway because Doggie Style found himself anchored by G & Ts at Seven and never caught up. But 2 bars a pub crawl does not make, and so the next victim was the Reggae, which was its usual shoulder to shoulder deafening self, with a few slightly tired and emotional hashers balancing on the footpath. Next cab off the rank was Cocos, but who actually made it there remains a mystery to me.

Saturday’s forecast was threatening, but actually it was a deliciously clear and fresh day, which was completely at odds with some of the mismanagement. Fortunately Acronymph and Doggie were in the chair for most of the 50th arrangements, leaving just the recce to scribe, who failed to note that the Juixi road was closed to buses and furthermore was a sea of mud. So when Acro and scribe arrived to set the trail from Nine Creeks, it was a case of mismanagement once again in action. So you see, that little bridge next to the construction workers accommodation was not the chosen creekside spot that was originally intended. Miraculously the pack arrived somewhat within time to mount the bus and arrive at the plan B run site, which as Acro pointed out was actually plan A. What a posh crowd alighted from the bus, all wearing Kama Sutra’s exclusive perspective of HZ, new runners Sandra and Debbie thinking carefully about what they got themselves into. The trail of course had been carefully planned by the hares over the preceding weeks, and incorporated all the most scenic vistas in the Nine Creeks area without unfortunately a summit attained. Skidmarks did the toilet stop CB which was a bit of set up by all accounts, the CB being somewhat too obvious. As usual though scribe was constrained by the aggressively cautious Acronymph and the pack had to forgo the Phone Box / Skidmarks descent down a vertical rainforest. Bloody annoying really! However there was still a surprise in store, because the unique manner in which the local authorities decided to repair and re-align Juixi Rd meant that cars, bikes and pedestrians had to battle each other through a quagmire of mud for about 1 km. Some came off worse than others. Many had to stop for a shoe wash in the fast flowing creek, some came back well mudded like Slowphuk, and Creature C while others came back pristine, especially 7Up in still white track trousers. How does she do this? Deep Throat had turned up with a photographer to provide shots for her article on the 50th, but he managed to not actually take any shots, much to DT’s disgust, hence the use of almost year old shots in the actual article which came out on Wednesday. That rare commodity, cold beer was on the menu courtesy of Tim from Maya who provided the ice; thanks Tim. That small bridge certainly carries a lot of traffic, the circle being constantly pierced by interlopers of every age and interest, or lack of interest. GM Doggie Style found a broad array of transgressions to lower the tone. As the beer started to bite the circle would fade, re-form and fade again, with an amusing water bottle fight between Tom and 7 Up culminating with the ice bucket over 7 Up’s head, but she needed cooling down.
Wendy was named democratically Ménage à trios, which means threesome, not three persons engaged in any specific activity, as graphically explained by Cartoon Porn, an expert in the field it seems. Ménage à trios was overjoyed at this name, not the expected or usual response to a hash name, which suggests that the name was already appropriate or will be shortly. Sandra and Debbie added sang-froid to the carrying on, both fortunately in old shoes, as Deep Throat and 7 Up found that their RMB10 slippers purchased to replace wet boots were deemed to be new shoes, the slippers being turned into a form of beer funnel. Have a look at the attached movie from Sandra. Then it was time to load the bus and over to the appointed tea house restaurant where the 20 filled two tables with menu selection by Acronymph. Departure from this civilised affair followed to Thirty Plus, where the age limit was suspended allowing in those of the group 30 minus. Doggie had negotiated with the management to purchase a keg of Tiger, and interest as to the number of pints kept some there much later than they would have otherwise preferred. Doggie Style was showing signs of wear by about 11.30 and chose to enjoy a kip by the lake, returning at about 1.00am to find some had left but in fact some had arrived, such as Kama Sutra coming straight from work, and amazingly enough returned to work after a few pints. Titman was sure that there beer left in the keg, but had not the strength to finish it. Perhaps some other reporter, namely Deep Throat, could fill in some of these missing details.
Run #56 Recovery Run

Sunday arrives……….strength to carry on……..yes. Phone Box and 7 Up put a lot of effort into setting Sunday’s trail from the Maya, the former in a mini skirt and the latter in slippers, must have taken all of 7 minutes. Cunning Linguist, Slowphuk, Acronymph, Sheepshagger, Tom, the shadow of Doggie, Bear who was collected from 30Plus the previous night and scribe were the pack. It was tough, those first few yards up the stairs from Laoshuguang Rd, but the blood started flowing, body temperature rising and then it was over! The girls were happy about this, but the guys were not, so out they went on a fake run over and around the hills behind, examining the sights, the views, the air con caves, the tea houses, the temples and heavenly waters, arriving back one hour later. Late starters were appearing until finally there almost a full complement for the bbq organised by Tim and run by trusty XiaoPeng; those hamburgers were great. A disorganised circle names Tom as Torvill and Dean, which made sense to the Poms and those more senior members of the pack but to no one else. Actually Tom named himself as he slipped and slid over the hills earlier in the day, saying he was doing a Torvill and Dean. So, for the record this duo without doubt re-wrote the sport of ice dancing with their performances at the 1984 Sarajevo Winter Olympics. You can see the record breaking performance of Bolero at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2zbbN4OL98 Bear erred in showing up for his first run wearing new shoes, and it took some encouragement for him to understand and then enjoy the standard punishment. The afternoon drifted on, sitting in the sun, imbibing occasionally, hard to take, night fell, eating whatever, people going, returning from foot massages, from naps at home, other places whatever, until it was all a blur. So that was the 50th weekend, all it was meant to be. Plaudits passed around endlessly, but really it was Acronymph and Doggie who put up the efforts with special mention to Kama Sutra for the T shirt artwork and very special mention to the members who supported the occasion so well from Friday to Sunday. On on.

There’s a lot to be said for husband and wife run setting teams. It allows the natural order of things in the union to be supplanted by something far more important, the trail. Submerged by the responsibility to the hash, normal subjects such as career, home, mothers-in-law, territorial lapses and childbirth take their proper place in the scheme of things. By observation, scribe has noted a seeming majority of failed unions in the midst of hash and subscribes to the theory that it’s joint trail setting at the bottom of it all. After all how could one seriously debate the choice of schools for offspring when there are vastly greater issues at hand, like the venue for next weeks run. But all that mumbo was not on the mind of Bangers and Yeti as they indicated to the pack the direction of the trail as it led out of Hangzhou’s salute to a distant (but failed) civilization, the Forum. Even if the quality of the trail was not going to hold the pack up, there was no doubt that the cunningly obscured blue arrows would do the job. With Cartoon Porn once again pushing from the front, away the pack went, a proper run with some serious looking runners, including even the normally relaxed style of Skidmarks. Along the lakes edge, up and across gardens, by-ways and many cornered bridges for good luck or bad luck, drink more hot water, and false trails to burn. A nice little variation saw Battery Operated calling a meeting in the bush conference room while Pains and S & M shortcutted around the back. Around LeiFeng Pagoda, trail a bit mystifying here, leaving S & M and Skid at the back of the pack on their lonesome and the pack proper vanished. The trails turned the pack around often, yes, it was intentional, and soon crossed the Su Di for another of those endless circuits through Hangzhou’s many answers to Hyde Park. At the end of that pictureskew labyrinth of paths, it was back on Nanshan Rd for a fast run back to the start, all stretching out including Creature Comforts for the run in. The circle saw Bubble Butt named, with Battery Operated taking the lead in the merging of random sights with random thoughts to come up with that name. At least Bubble Butt could see the amount of thought and attention applied to her name, about 5 seconds worth. As proved to date, a hasher either is named appropriately or lives up to the name, so where this leads for Bubble Butt one could but surmise. After a few beers and cast aspersions, the pack minus 7 Up adjourned to the Indian Kitchen. It’s hard to get used to the Indian restaurant concept after Chinese restaurants; scribe needs lessons, especially in the Indian beer mark up policy, cost plus 1000%. Strange, it didn’t make them taste any better. Then Yeti dropped dropped a few over to meet Doggie at the Maya (surprise) after which a late night was enjoyed followed by a morning that was not.